Plant food has been all the rage in horticultural news recently, none more so than the popular fertiliser MCAT, but what exactly can it do for your plants?
1. Your plants are BORED!
Sitting around, rooted in the same spot and soaking up rays can get a little laborious at the best of times, give your plants a little kick, give them MCAT!
2. Your plants are HUNGRY!
Not anymore, not whilst on MCAT. No longer will they fight for vital nutrients from surrounding soil, with MCAT they can beat physics and live off virtually nothing- they don't even need roots anymore.
3. Your plants are SOCIALLY INEPT!
Say goodbye to social awkwardness. Even asexuals need some social stimulation- with MCAT your plants will socialise all night long, reminiscing over old times as seedlings, infact you won’t be able to shut them up!
4. Your plants need SLEEP!
Guess what, no they don’t, not with MCAT anyway. They’ll be photosynthesising all night long baby!
5. But plant food is EXPENSIVE!
MCAT isn’t. It is infact cheaper than other stimulants and readily available from your local horticultural dealer.
6. You want your plants to DANCE!
Don’t be silly; plants can’t dance.
FAQ’s
1. Will my plants be affected in the long term?
Na, they’ll be fine.
2. Is the fertiliser addictive? Will my plants want more and more?
Buds might roll as the fertiliser becomes scarce, so be sure to top up regularly with decent lines across flower beds.
3. Will my plants blossom to their full potential?
Who knows, but the flowerbed will be bumping until sunrise!
4. Will my plants remain potent?
Of course, recent studies have shown their sexual organs may temporarily shrivel but as the buds come out, your plants will be fully functioning once more!
5. Is it safe for human consumption?
The last man to take MCAT ripped his own genitals off, so I’d give it a miss if I were you.
So what are you waiting for? The fertiliser’s already been banned in six countries around the world by plant-Nazi’s so get your plants onto MCAT now for the upcoming summer months- you can take it or leaf it!
